I Feel

I drop out of school and I feel worthless.
I can’t remember my own address and I feel stupid.
I don’t want to leave my house and I feel imprisoned.
I’m too tired to do my hair and I feel ugly.
I hide in my dream world and I feel like a coward.
People tell me I’m not sick and I feel like a liar.
I can’t hold my pencil and I feel betrayed by my body.
I can’t walk up the stairs and I feel helpless.
I work so hard and I still feel lazy.
I wonder if things will get better and I feel afraid.

Pepsi and Trazodone

I survive on Pepsi and Trazodone,

and perseverance that tells me I can do anything

even when my body says I can’t.

I have legs that can still walk, and

hands that have both learned to write

because failure isn’t an option.

And we don’t complain –

we’ll never complain.

So I just put on a sweater to hide the fact

that I’m still freezing in August,

and a hat to hide the hair

that falls out sometimes on those days

when I forget to breathe.